This actually made me want to cry thinking about just how mean we are to ourselves and how we once could never have imagined beating ourselves up in the way we do now. I hope Little Lauren is really proud of how hard Adult Lauren is working on this, working on being kind to herself, and working on accepting who she is.
We are so so mean to ourselves. It's so wild (and sad) to see how it's one of my longest-standing habits and how intertwined it is with writing. It's definitely something I want to heal from. Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words, Sarah 🤍 I always appreciate your thoughtful comments
I've been keeping a diary since I was 12, in 1972. I loved reading this. I learned early, that if I could get all the stuff/junk/pain etc out and onto the page, a deeper knowing voice would emerge guiding me through. You write exquisitely. Somebody taught you how to beat yourself up. We are not born beating ourselves up. I'm glad you are editing this out, so undeserving of shoddy self-treatment!
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words 🤍 I wish I'd known early on like you that the deeper knowing voice would come the more I wrote out all my emotion, but at least I know now. It really does help with processing all the ups and downs of life. And you are spot on, self-criticism is taught and I'm definitely trying my best to unlearn it.
Whatever the inner critic is saying, turn it 180 degrees and affirm the opposite. Learning to love ourselves is the key to it all. Looking for love outside makes us vulnerable, which is fine, except when it isn't. When we love ourselves, we teach others how to appreciate us in the way we deserve it.
This is the evolution of self and the self-awareness that has evolved for you is incredible. It's a neverending journey to always discovering more 💛 (but reading old journal entries can be really fun!)
Aww, my heart goes out to Little Lauren! Clearly I can relate given I wrote about something similar (I’m honored to be mentioned btw!). Please know you are NOT to blame, as I’m learning more and more how the patriarchal system has engrained and reinforced this behavior in us as women, in particular, for a loooong time...
So proud of you for recognizing you want to be kinder to yourself and appreciate your vulnerability as always! 🤍
Thank you, Morganne 🤍 And I'm right there with you - I have a major bone to pick with the patriarchy. There's so much we've internalized and been conditioned to be/think/do as women, there's a lot of work to be done to wade through and unravel it.
I appreciate your support and kind words, they mean so much 🤍
I went back home and retrieved some old diaries too! I was looking for deep truths around dreams and life goals I might have forgotten... but no. Just a lot of anger in those pages and zero depth. How disappointing.
Oh, you are not at all alone there. Most of my entries were angry too (I even tried to use curse words but censored myself with asterisks in case my parents stumbled upon it 😂).
My mom's mom read her diary and my mother didn't believe in herself and her voice evermore but she made sure I had a diary and precious time to write in it. Some things you just don't see until many years later.
This actually made me want to cry thinking about just how mean we are to ourselves and how we once could never have imagined beating ourselves up in the way we do now. I hope Little Lauren is really proud of how hard Adult Lauren is working on this, working on being kind to herself, and working on accepting who she is.
We are so so mean to ourselves. It's so wild (and sad) to see how it's one of my longest-standing habits and how intertwined it is with writing. It's definitely something I want to heal from. Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words, Sarah 🤍 I always appreciate your thoughtful comments
I've been keeping a diary since I was 12, in 1972. I loved reading this. I learned early, that if I could get all the stuff/junk/pain etc out and onto the page, a deeper knowing voice would emerge guiding me through. You write exquisitely. Somebody taught you how to beat yourself up. We are not born beating ourselves up. I'm glad you are editing this out, so undeserving of shoddy self-treatment!
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words 🤍 I wish I'd known early on like you that the deeper knowing voice would come the more I wrote out all my emotion, but at least I know now. It really does help with processing all the ups and downs of life. And you are spot on, self-criticism is taught and I'm definitely trying my best to unlearn it.
Whatever the inner critic is saying, turn it 180 degrees and affirm the opposite. Learning to love ourselves is the key to it all. Looking for love outside makes us vulnerable, which is fine, except when it isn't. When we love ourselves, we teach others how to appreciate us in the way we deserve it.
So well said and so completely true 🤍
This is the evolution of self and the self-awareness that has evolved for you is incredible. It's a neverending journey to always discovering more 💛 (but reading old journal entries can be really fun!)
Thank you, Riss, that means a lot 🤍 Reading old diary entries can totally be fun, albeit a bit cringey lol
Aww, my heart goes out to Little Lauren! Clearly I can relate given I wrote about something similar (I’m honored to be mentioned btw!). Please know you are NOT to blame, as I’m learning more and more how the patriarchal system has engrained and reinforced this behavior in us as women, in particular, for a loooong time...
So proud of you for recognizing you want to be kinder to yourself and appreciate your vulnerability as always! 🤍
Thank you, Morganne 🤍 And I'm right there with you - I have a major bone to pick with the patriarchy. There's so much we've internalized and been conditioned to be/think/do as women, there's a lot of work to be done to wade through and unravel it.
I appreciate your support and kind words, they mean so much 🤍
I went back home and retrieved some old diaries too! I was looking for deep truths around dreams and life goals I might have forgotten... but no. Just a lot of anger in those pages and zero depth. How disappointing.
Oh, you are not at all alone there. Most of my entries were angry too (I even tried to use curse words but censored myself with asterisks in case my parents stumbled upon it 😂).
My mom's mom read her diary and my mother didn't believe in herself and her voice evermore but she made sure I had a diary and precious time to write in it. Some things you just don't see until many years later.
Love this post so much! Proud of you for being so vulnerable and committed to personal growth. Little Lauren would be proud.
Thank you for reading, bb 🤍 I like to think that Little Lauren is in better, kinder hands these days