You are definitely not alone in agonizing about whether to have children or not. As a mother of three, I can truly say it’s the best, most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. It is certainly not for the weak. It’s a roller coaster ride but life in general is a roller coaster ride anyway, filled with uncertainty and chaos, and full of surprises both good and bad.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Kathy 🫶 Your daughters are lovely and such a testament to who you are as a person and a parent. And I can totally see how it's just like any other part of life in the way that it has both it's ups and downs.
I enjoyed reading your take on this, thank you for sharing. As a mother of 3, I couldn't care less that Chappell Roan doesn't think having kids look great, but I do take issue with what she said. The fact is that she has a huge platform, and a lot of people are paying attention to what she has to say, which makes it feel unfair for her to say something negative about parenting, because mothers are already such easy targets in the media. We're always the butt of the joke, the ones being torn down etc, and if you have a look at some of the comments being made online since she made hers, alot of them are really cruel - and aimed at women that have children, especially those that have stood up and said "actually, I love having kids" (we're being called liars, being openly mocked and laughed at etc.)
I also take issue with her so publicly saying that about her friends. Unless they gave permission for her to say such things, it would be deeply hurtful to be a struggling parent in her friendship circle and have your life referred to as hell. Because the fact is they probably are having a hard time, because parenting is really hard, but they more than likely would never describe their situation as hellish, and it's inappropriate and disrespectful to them, their journey and their children for someone else to say it for them
As for your predicament, having children is such a gift, but you will lose a lot of yourself in it. I've found it has reignited my creative spark, and I know it's that way for many, but the time to act on that creativity is definitely lacking. Unfortunately this sort of thing isn't about rational thought, you have to go with your gut and your heart! Good luck!
Thank you for reading, Charlotte, and for sharing your thoughts. It really is interesting how Chappell says "parents" and people assume she means mothers specifically. It goes to show how much of the weight moms have to carry and how criticized they are no matter what they say or do. I can also understand your frustration with Chappell's statements, given her platform and the negative commentary it's enabling toward moms.
I am so glad to hear your kids have reignited your creative spark. I really can see how inspiring it would be to experience the world through their eyes. The unknown is scary and the chatter can be hard to cut through, but I hope that listening to my gut and heart, like you say, will lead me where I need to go. 💛
Oh, yeah, I don’t think there are many dads out there that would feel the weight of a comment like this, if I’m honest. Women are judged so much more harshly in the parenting arena, as we are in many arenas, so the comments definitely felt like a slight on mothers more than fathers. You’re right, though, she never actually said mothers!
Lauren did you just open up my heart and peer into my soul!? These exact questions are thing I've been grappling with myself recently. I also have a lot of free time and as an introvert who needs time to be alone, to read, to walk, to journal- it terrifies me that I may lose all of that if I have children. On the other hand, I see my in-laws getting older... I want them to have to joy of grandchildren. I want my future children to have the joy of growing up with grandparents. It's both terrifying and exhausting to try to figure out what to do.
You're definitely not alone in these fears, Shirley. The loss of personal time and the need to be as regulated as possible (despite having less time) is something that worries me as well. It's all so much to think about. I will say, the fact that we are thinking about it as thoroughly as we are shows how much we care and take it seriously. I take that as a sign that we'd be good parents, should be choose that route. 🫶
Wow, thanks for writing this thoughtful and vulnerable piece! (Also, I love the graphic!) I think sooo many women can relate. I totally agree with what you said - from my perspective, the lives of my friends who have had kids look a lot like what Chappell described. I wish more people were willing to openly acknowledge how hard it is!
I almost feel lucky because I've always known that I don't want to be a mom. (Though that's not without its own stigmas, etc.) I really feel for you and some of my friends who have to make the decision and with a timeline imposed on it, too. There seems like a million things to consider. But, I hope clarity comes for you naturally and that you don't feel forced one way or another. ❤️
Thank you so much for the kind words, Cassandra 🩷 it’s ironic, isn’t it, that there’s stigma no matter which option we choose. I’m glad to hear you’ve always known, there’s such peace in that. I hope to get to that place, whether it’s one way or the other, in time as well.
Ahhh Lauren, thanks for writing about this topic so openly and vulnerably. 🫶 The parenthood decision has been a huge thing on my mind and my relationship journey over the past couple years, especially once I started looking into my fertility health. I won’t go into detail here but the TLDR; is it really cemented my view on things. I hope I get the courage to write about it someday!
Thank you so much for reading, Morganne 💛 the biological clock of it all definitely adds to the pressure. I hope you’ve found peace in your decision either way. Writing is always so helpful for processing, whether you share it or not (and if you do share it, you can count on me as a reader)
You are definitely not alone in agonizing about whether to have children or not. As a mother of three, I can truly say it’s the best, most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. It is certainly not for the weak. It’s a roller coaster ride but life in general is a roller coaster ride anyway, filled with uncertainty and chaos, and full of surprises both good and bad.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Kathy 🫶 Your daughters are lovely and such a testament to who you are as a person and a parent. And I can totally see how it's just like any other part of life in the way that it has both it's ups and downs.
Thanks Lauren.
I would also add that if you decide not to have children in the future, don’t let anyone make you feel less about making this decision.
Thanks, Kathy 💛
Fellow mum of three! Definitely very fulfilling ❤️
I enjoyed reading your take on this, thank you for sharing. As a mother of 3, I couldn't care less that Chappell Roan doesn't think having kids look great, but I do take issue with what she said. The fact is that she has a huge platform, and a lot of people are paying attention to what she has to say, which makes it feel unfair for her to say something negative about parenting, because mothers are already such easy targets in the media. We're always the butt of the joke, the ones being torn down etc, and if you have a look at some of the comments being made online since she made hers, alot of them are really cruel - and aimed at women that have children, especially those that have stood up and said "actually, I love having kids" (we're being called liars, being openly mocked and laughed at etc.)
I also take issue with her so publicly saying that about her friends. Unless they gave permission for her to say such things, it would be deeply hurtful to be a struggling parent in her friendship circle and have your life referred to as hell. Because the fact is they probably are having a hard time, because parenting is really hard, but they more than likely would never describe their situation as hellish, and it's inappropriate and disrespectful to them, their journey and their children for someone else to say it for them
As for your predicament, having children is such a gift, but you will lose a lot of yourself in it. I've found it has reignited my creative spark, and I know it's that way for many, but the time to act on that creativity is definitely lacking. Unfortunately this sort of thing isn't about rational thought, you have to go with your gut and your heart! Good luck!
Thank you for reading, Charlotte, and for sharing your thoughts. It really is interesting how Chappell says "parents" and people assume she means mothers specifically. It goes to show how much of the weight moms have to carry and how criticized they are no matter what they say or do. I can also understand your frustration with Chappell's statements, given her platform and the negative commentary it's enabling toward moms.
I am so glad to hear your kids have reignited your creative spark. I really can see how inspiring it would be to experience the world through their eyes. The unknown is scary and the chatter can be hard to cut through, but I hope that listening to my gut and heart, like you say, will lead me where I need to go. 💛
Oh, yeah, I don’t think there are many dads out there that would feel the weight of a comment like this, if I’m honest. Women are judged so much more harshly in the parenting arena, as we are in many arenas, so the comments definitely felt like a slight on mothers more than fathers. You’re right, though, she never actually said mothers!
Lauren did you just open up my heart and peer into my soul!? These exact questions are thing I've been grappling with myself recently. I also have a lot of free time and as an introvert who needs time to be alone, to read, to walk, to journal- it terrifies me that I may lose all of that if I have children. On the other hand, I see my in-laws getting older... I want them to have to joy of grandchildren. I want my future children to have the joy of growing up with grandparents. It's both terrifying and exhausting to try to figure out what to do.
You're definitely not alone in these fears, Shirley. The loss of personal time and the need to be as regulated as possible (despite having less time) is something that worries me as well. It's all so much to think about. I will say, the fact that we are thinking about it as thoroughly as we are shows how much we care and take it seriously. I take that as a sign that we'd be good parents, should be choose that route. 🫶
Wow, thanks for writing this thoughtful and vulnerable piece! (Also, I love the graphic!) I think sooo many women can relate. I totally agree with what you said - from my perspective, the lives of my friends who have had kids look a lot like what Chappell described. I wish more people were willing to openly acknowledge how hard it is!
I almost feel lucky because I've always known that I don't want to be a mom. (Though that's not without its own stigmas, etc.) I really feel for you and some of my friends who have to make the decision and with a timeline imposed on it, too. There seems like a million things to consider. But, I hope clarity comes for you naturally and that you don't feel forced one way or another. ❤️
Thank you so much for the kind words, Cassandra 🩷 it’s ironic, isn’t it, that there’s stigma no matter which option we choose. I’m glad to hear you’ve always known, there’s such peace in that. I hope to get to that place, whether it’s one way or the other, in time as well.
It seems to always be that way for women—stigma and judgements no matter what we choose!
Ahhh Lauren, thanks for writing about this topic so openly and vulnerably. 🫶 The parenthood decision has been a huge thing on my mind and my relationship journey over the past couple years, especially once I started looking into my fertility health. I won’t go into detail here but the TLDR; is it really cemented my view on things. I hope I get the courage to write about it someday!
Thank you so much for reading, Morganne 💛 the biological clock of it all definitely adds to the pressure. I hope you’ve found peace in your decision either way. Writing is always so helpful for processing, whether you share it or not (and if you do share it, you can count on me as a reader)
this was very raw and vulnerable, I am glad you wrote about your fears because they are shared by so many!
Thank you for reading and sharing, Barbs! It is a tough one, but it is a relief not to be alone in the overwhelm.
I listened to this and really enjoyed it. Can relate SOOO much. <3
Thank you so much for the support, Olivia 🫶