I've definitely noticed some of this ebb and flow in my friendships too, it can be a slow and painful adjustment over time but you're right - staying connected really is about intentionality. Thanks for sharing this pov 💓
Also FWIW, I've been able to keep up close friendships with fellow moms as well as friends who don't plan to have kids. The surface level people will drift away but the true friends will be there for you no matter what you have going on. It's just sometimes a matter of simplifying, and really deciding what you want out of a friendship and how to facilitate that.
It's a little old fashioned but my favorite deep convos end up happening during late night phone chats!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Jess 🫶 I like that reframe of "simplifying" - that makes it feel less like a loss and more like a meaningful change. I'm so glad to hear friends have shown up for you regardless of whether or not you both have kids, that's honestly so reassuring. I also love a phone chat! Whenever I call one of my two best friends who live out of state, we always talk for hours - even if I just talked to them the day before!
Aw that's awesome! 🥰 Yeah i feel like leaning into friendship quality over quantity leaves things feeling pretty good, even if it looks a little different. Plus there's more energy left to connect with the talk-for-hours bffs! Love them!
Goodness, it wasn't until checking the timestamp of this post that I realized you wrote it right before we saw each other! (Where has the time gone 🤦♀️, sorry I am so behind.) I really love this post—it is so raw and heartfelt and, like we talked about before, so relatable. Pete has been encouraging me to write about friendship for the longest time now because I have so many feelings around it, but I find it hard to put into words. You did so beautifully here, and I especially love how its grounded in the mirror metaphor.
I'm quick to get frustrated at the perceived lack of intention and effort from some friends, but when I take a hard look I realize that I am not necessarily doing it either - not for lack of thought but for some combination of protection, afraid to be vulnerable/ask for what I need, etc. I am going to try to be better about that.
I've definitely noticed some of this ebb and flow in my friendships too, it can be a slow and painful adjustment over time but you're right - staying connected really is about intentionality. Thanks for sharing this pov 💓
Also FWIW, I've been able to keep up close friendships with fellow moms as well as friends who don't plan to have kids. The surface level people will drift away but the true friends will be there for you no matter what you have going on. It's just sometimes a matter of simplifying, and really deciding what you want out of a friendship and how to facilitate that.
It's a little old fashioned but my favorite deep convos end up happening during late night phone chats!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Jess 🫶 I like that reframe of "simplifying" - that makes it feel less like a loss and more like a meaningful change. I'm so glad to hear friends have shown up for you regardless of whether or not you both have kids, that's honestly so reassuring. I also love a phone chat! Whenever I call one of my two best friends who live out of state, we always talk for hours - even if I just talked to them the day before!
Aw that's awesome! 🥰 Yeah i feel like leaning into friendship quality over quantity leaves things feeling pretty good, even if it looks a little different. Plus there's more energy left to connect with the talk-for-hours bffs! Love them!
Goodness, it wasn't until checking the timestamp of this post that I realized you wrote it right before we saw each other! (Where has the time gone 🤦♀️, sorry I am so behind.) I really love this post—it is so raw and heartfelt and, like we talked about before, so relatable. Pete has been encouraging me to write about friendship for the longest time now because I have so many feelings around it, but I find it hard to put into words. You did so beautifully here, and I especially love how its grounded in the mirror metaphor.
I'm quick to get frustrated at the perceived lack of intention and effort from some friends, but when I take a hard look I realize that I am not necessarily doing it either - not for lack of thought but for some combination of protection, afraid to be vulnerable/ask for what I need, etc. I am going to try to be better about that.
Sending you a hug - you aren't alone! 💞